Labour Farming Shadow Minister - Treat Meat Eaters Like Smokers!

Labour's Shadow Farming Minister, Kerry McCarthy an ardent vegan, has announced that meat eaters should be treated like smokers.

Expected NHS poster - Not all bad then!

 It is expected that, if Labour win power at the next General Election the following policies will be put into place:

• A Meat Tax will be put into place which will be revised each year in the budget.
• It will be illegal to serve meat to anyone under the age of 16 years.
• Meat will not be able to be consumed in any government buildings.
• Eating meat will be banned from the grounds of all NHS establishments.
• Meat will have to be consumed outside of all restaurants and pubs unless a special "meat-eating room" is provided in these establishments.
• Meat will have to be sold in plain packaging and carry a health warning "Meat can Kill".
• Those retailers selling meat will have to have the meat placed in a container so that the meat will not be visible to the public. This will obviously include butchers shops.
• The eating of meat in a car when children are present will be banned by law.
• The advertising of meat products will be banned.
• Special anti-meat eating programmes will be established free on the NHS and the government will fund research and development into the following: Meat Eating Patches, Meat Eating Chewing Gum, Electronic Meat and in addition all GP Surgeries will provide anti-meat eating clinics.
• Further measures will be announced as time goes by.

Ms McCarthy MP for Bristol East, well done the voters in Bristol East I say, said last night "The dangers to health of eating meat and of second-hand meat eating are well known. We need to crack down hard on this iniquitous practice for the good of our children, their children and their childrens children. In addition, and this is something that will be great news for all football fans, Forest Green Rovers will receive immediate promotion to the Premier League".

Further to this meat eating news it is also believed that if he becomes Prime Minister all shaving products will be treated in the same way under his own special Hirsute Agenda.

Welcome to the wacky world of Corbynista government.
                                         

The Only Way To Be!

I have thought long and hard about this.

I have looked at it from all angles.

THE THINKER

I have dissected this.

I have analysed this until it feels dessicated.

I don't think I have missed anything, so I don't feel it is really worth going over this for the umpteenth time.

Yes I think I can say that I really do believe one thing:

Spontaneity is where it's at!

Women's Magazines - Hate Them!

Now I have always had a thing about women's magazines. Full of flim-flam and celebrities and young lasses that look like stick insects, pretending that they don't diet and pretending that all women can look like that. It is just a world that us blokes do not understand.

A couple of examples of what I mean:

Dunno why I picked one in Russian!

But now I have found one that I am really, really not happy with!

My wife came home with this:

Now it looks innocent enough doesn't it? But oh no. Believe me it is really dangerous and insidious.

Women's Running. The operative word there is WOMEN'S! Not MEN'S but WOMEN'S. Why do I feel so strongly about this particular rag? Well let me just tell you.

My wife and I are into a bit of running. She is much more competent than me but then again she has the advantage of youth! In six weeks time we are going to be doing the Woodhall Spa 10k. A nice little jaunt in the Lincolnshire countryside thought I. Nowhere near as difficult as the Lincoln 10k that just about ended my stint on the earth. Nothing too strenuous. 

So what is the problem? Well I will tell you. In this blooming magazine is a Training Regime for Improvers! It is a regime that lasts for 6 weeks after which you do your next 10k. 6 weeks? You getting the picture? Oh yes WE not SHE are going to be taking advantage of this wonderful regime apparently! My protestations "That it is for women out of a women's magazine" are cutting no ice. Oh no. We are now both IMPROVERS! I look forward to the improvement!!!!

Bloody womens magazines. Hate them!